Monday, February 29, 2016


My cancer now has a 2nd glowing sole print on its ass.  I reported to the hospital bright and early and allowed them to sedate me and then to somehow implant radioactivity on the cancerous areas of my prostate gland.  I say somehow because I encouraged them to use enough anesthesia to bomb me back to the stone age.  I wasn't aware of what they did or how they did it.
Next stop: the O/R where cancer gets the 2nd of a radioactive 1,2 punch
But when they were done I sure knew.  While I was off pounding cold ones with Fred and Barney I had a Foley catheter installed.  Modesty prevents me from relating exactly what that is, where they stuck it or what it looked like when properly installed so click on the link (SFW) and all will be revealed.  When I woke up I was in pain all over.  My throat hurt because they had stuck some kind of breathing apparatus down in there.  My insides hurt where my new radioactive seeds, the ones that I'll take to my grave, now live.  My wiener hurt and my bladder was screaming that I had to pee like it was filled with jellied fire.

Not knowing where I was and not quite conscious I think that I tried to get up with the intention of finding a men's room.  But I still had tubes in me and wired sensors on me, some of which I'm told that I ripped out.  Oh, and the Foley catheter was still properly plumbed.  My struggle is what the nurse told me caused the big blood stain on the bed.   The nurse warned me that when he removed Mr. Foley's catheter it would be painful and boy was he ever right.  I screamed from the intense burning pain in a very personal place where I had never felt pain before.  They sent me home wearing a maxi-pad.

When I got home I motored around my house under my own power.  I'm uncomfortable and when I urinate it burns like I'm peeing Drano but the doctors said that I should feel better in a few days.  I'm carrying enough internal radiation to arouse the TSA or ICE from their slumber but I have a card attesting to my nuclear non-proliferation status to show them at the airport or the Canadian border.  My post-op instructions say to not allow little children to sit on my lap due to radiation and to take it easy for a few weeks.

My urologist says that if the scan I'm to receive shortly shows the seeds taking root in the right place I'm good to go, to move to our new home and to live out the rest of my days happily ever after.

1 comment:

Lewis said...

That Foley diagram sure looks like spare toilet bowl plumbing parts at home improvement centers.
You look great in your non-selfie. Must be the before pic.
Live long and prosper, Mich.